1 in 10 People Use Their Smartphone During Sex, Giving Me Something Else to Worry About


As if I didn’t have enough to be self-conscious about while trying my damndest to satisfy a woman, now I’ve got to worry that she might be rating my performance on Facebook. Or live Tweeting my desperate attempts to orally pleasure her. Or, you know, resting a beer on my head while she emails her bestie.

At least that’s what I gather from the results of the 2013 Mobile Consumer Habits survey, which revealed that 1 in 10 people admitted to using their smartphone during sex.

My question is, what are they using it for? Unless they’re taking a call from their spouse and explaining that the conference is running a bit longer than they expected, I can’t imagine.

Part of me wants to think that this is perhaps a sad commentary that even in our most intimate moments — the most intimate of moments, one might say — we cannot bear to disconnect ourselves from the wired world. But the other part says if people are using their phones during sex, I hope it’s to produce homemade porn. In fact, if I was taking Vegas odds at TopBettingAction.com, I’d say “blowjob selfies” is probably the number one reason phones are introduced during sex.

What do you think? If you caught your lover checking messages over your shoulder, is that a deal breaker? Or at the very least an erection-shriveler?

All I can do is reassure the ladies that when you’re with me, I’m all about giving you 100 percent of my attention, and will happily leave the phone in the bedside table drawer.

Unless, of course, you want me to put it on “vibrate,” stick it up your ass, and call you. We can totally work that out.

1 Comment

  1. Suzyn

    July 15, 2013 at 10:02 am

    That’s a dealbreaker. Unless there’s a death in he family or awesome sale at Nordstom’s.

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