• The Day My Job Became the Greatest Job in the History of Jobs

    Normally, I don’t like my job. It pays well, and does involve using my brain. But, for the most part, I spend my days dreaming...

  • Dating Outside Your Comfort Zone

    For me, dating outside my comfort zone generally means someone who has showered in the last 48 hours, who owns more than one dress shirt...

  • My Sunday Morning Workout…

    …consists of putting this video on loop, firing up some vodka and Red Bull, and masturbating myself into full-on delirium. Let’s just say it helps...

  • Tits ‘n’ Ask: Spicing Up the Long-term Relationship

    Dear Ken & Ariel: I’ve been sleeping with the same woman for seven years. I love her dearly, but how can I keep things exciting...

  • When I Know I Need to Get Laid

    When I’m drunkenly fumbling through the channels and I land on QVC and my mind starts buzzing with twisted fantasies involving the female co-hosts, myself,...

  • Will Date For…Coffee

    Good mornin’, y’all. Feeling a little groggy from last night? Well, check it: my Starbucks barista is totally hot. He’s from Brazil or Argentina or...

  • Erection Day

    A couple weeks back, while waiting around at the only dentist’s office in town that doesn’t require pants, I read an interesting article in some...

  • 50 Shades of One Hot Mess

    All the single ladies: getting ready for the big party is a colossal waste of time. Especially if you think you’re going to get laid....

  • Another Reason the End of Daylight Savings Time Rocks

    That’s one additional hour to stare at this photo. And bring myself even closer to the inevitable “death by carpal tunnel syndrome.”

  • And How Was Your Evening?

    Wednesday Night Thursday Morn