Bloggers Assemble! What’s On Your Sexual Bucket List?

Once again, we have assembled a team of elite bloggers — also known as the bloggers who responded to my email — to present a fascinating “question of the month” roundtable. And the question is: Can you tell us one thing that’s on your sexual bucket list?

Hopefully, everyone understands the concept of a bucket list; it’s a compilation of the things you want to do before you kick off. Like “climb Mount Everest” or “understand what all the fuss about Leonard Cohen is.” A sexual bucket list works the same way. Only it is five thousand times more awesome.

As for my sexual bucket list, it should come as no surprise that I want to be this guy:

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And why not? If the women on his face insist that he ingest their panty hose en route to the prize, even better.

As for the sexual bucket list items of our esteemed panel of guest bloggers, read on:

Kendra of The Beautiful Kind: A gang bang was on my sexual bucket list, and I did it, just last month! It was like planning a wedding! A great way to celebrate my 40th birthday!

The great Shannon Hunter of Women’s Post: The Mile High Club. It’s a little vintage, but I dig that.

Lizzie Havoc of Dig Boston and Suicide Girls: I know I have a general bucket list; I made one when I was 18 that I found recently and to my great surprise, I had actually done everything on the list. Things like “visit a rainforest” and “be in a movie” and “steal my ex-boyfriend back from that stupid sorority whore.” My sexual bucket list changes almost daily. If you had asked me 8 months ago I would have told you that, “get down with a professional wrestler” didn’t even make the cut. I would put that somewhere in the top 10 now, depending on the wrestler. A long time ago things like, “get down with that hot emo guy from that band” would have also made the list, but as time went on and the day came that I actually did find myself at my apartment with that emo guy from that band, I know that I actually locked my bedroom door and called my boyfriend, cause I’m an honest tease. And that guy was actually a total dick. So, that brings me to my one thing. The one repeat offender that never leaves my bucket list is this: I want to bang in a bar. I have worked in bars since I was 18, I have dated cooks, bouncers, servers, bartenders, managers… and never once have I gotten busy in a liquor room, keg room, coat room, whatever. Not once. And that my friends, is a god damn travesty. The end.

LA of Chicks in the Mitt: 1. Any celebrity off of my celebrity freebie list. If you’ve ever seen that episode of FRIENDS where Ross gets shot down by Isabelle Rossellini for “that guy over there.” Granted, I’m not dating anyone right now, so IF I happened to see Ryan Gosling on the street, I could go and hump him. But the point of it, is that it’s my celebrity list. It cannot just be anyone. (The list, last I checked in, when I was still actually in a relationship, consisted of Ryan Gosling, Darren Helm, Adam Levine, Matt Nathanson, and Cristiano Ronaldo.)

2. Mile High Club. I’ve heard it’s very uncomfortable. I’ve heard limbs are EVERYWHERE. I’ve heard it’s more bodily injury than sexual pleasure. BUT EVERYONE KEEPS DOING IT. And if I’m ever in the audience on some day time talk show, and Ellen or Oprah or Ricki Lake goes “ARE YOU IN THE MILE HIGH CLUB?!” I want to fucking raise my hand.

3. Beach Sex. See reasoning for mile high club. Sand everywhere? Don’t care. I have a detachable shower head, I can take care of that pesky sand. I JUST WANNA SAY I DID IT.

Ariel: The Pats locker room at halftime. I’m inside a locker, watching. With Tom Brady. He keeps distracting me!

Andrea Zanin of Sex Geek: One thing that’s on my sexual bucket list is anal fisting. I’m proficient at vaginal fisting, and have been teaching the technique for years; and I teach the basics of anal sex, too. But I have yet to put my full fist up anyone’s butt. Seems like one of those things that might be kinda fun one day, especially if the person were an experienced bottom who could coach me through the experience. I’m not in a rush though. It’s kinda nice to know there’s still at least one major “first” ahead of me in the realm of desired sexual acts.

Liza of Always Each Other and Tied Tongues: In total honesty, someday I really want to experience double penetration. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but it’s a fucking hot fantasy that makes me wet.

Karyn Polewaczyk of Boston.com: What’s on my sexual bucket list? At the risk of sounding sentimental, it’s not exactly gymnastic. Rather, it’d be to convert the unfortunately still-large swarths of men who believe that women who proudly own their sexuality and all it entails are sluts, whores, or otherwise unworthy; and that women who get off on casual sex are looking for just that-—not rings, not promises, and sometimes, not even a date. I can’t speak for all women, of course, or even act as a representative for those women who can’t be bothered with the noise, but I’ll say this: it’s not us, small-minded menfolk. It’s you.

Sara Burgess of DigBoston.com: I’ve thought long and hard about my sexual bucket list for the past few days, or years, or whenever it was that I started enjoying sex, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s extremely difficult to narrow it down to just one thing. As a result, I’ve decided to clump the majority of my bucket list together and present it as one, very broad endeavor: I want “the sex I’m not supposed to have.” Because in all honesty, nothing is more thrilling than knowing you can get caught… and actually get caught.

Public sex is fine, but it is taken to another level when there are actually people surrounding you. How about sex with your boss? Your English professor? Oh, that’s it. Sex with a professor can stand separate from that all-encompassing category, and can undoubtedly claim number one on my bucket list. Because brilliance, by far, is the sexiest thing a man can wear–especially when paired with a blazer, glasses, and a lukewarm cup of cafeteria coffee. Teacher’s pet, at your service.

Cameron Frye of The Huffington Post: I don’t have a bucket list of activities I want to do before I die. To be honest? I was kind of shameless when I was a cow-like creature and did whatever made me happy. I didn’t know when I was going to have sex next, so might as well live for the moment. I’m good for right now, but what I do have is a list of people I’d like to have my way with. I’m well aware I have no chance in hell with the majority of these people, but it would still make for a great story.

1. Stephen Merchant – I’m a sucker for anyone who can make me laugh, who’s smarter than me(I?), has a good beard, tremendously talented, funny and he’s cute.
2. Bradley Cooper – I know it’s shallow and vapid, but look at him!
3. Laetitia Casta – Back when she was modeling for Victoria’s Secret. PERFECTION!
4. Tom Hardy – Extra points if he’s wearing the Bane mask. Don’t judge!
5. Benedict Cumberbatch – He looks like he’d tie you up and reenact scenes from ‘The Secretary’.
6. Will Middlebrooks – I’m from Boston….it happens!
7. Peter Dinklage – Oh like you wouldn’t!

Mylene of Mylene’s Musings: What’s on my sexual bucket list? You mean, something other than permanent chaffing between my legs from George Clooney’s beard? That’s an excellent question that I’ve never asked myself. Trust me, this surprises me more than an unexpected cock in my ass because he “missed the hole.” Perhaps I’ve not contemplated this bucket list question because I’ve always had the sex I wanted. I’ve had generous and skilled lovers who took pleasure in my pleasure and aimed to fulfill my voracious sexual appetite. Although, come to think of it, I have had mediocre sex; there was the clit-biter that I had to kick in the head and that 2-year period when I married my mistake, but those are stories for another day.

Seriously, I have always had the sex I wanted. Oh, I may appear complex and mysterious (please leave me my delusions) and very sexual (no delusions there), but let’s face it, I’m just a simple girl: I like fingers and tongue – everywhere – and I like a good, hard fuck. No bells and whistles necessary. I don’t need accessories or role play or whatever you kids are calling it these days, to get off (although I have no issue with trying most things). All I need is hot, raw, intense sex, but there’s a catch …
I need more.

I want a partner who will exhaust me. I want to ask him to stop because I don’t want another orgasm (sorry, I’m stifling a giggle here). This has never happened, but now that you asked (and I’m glad you did ask you gorgeous motherfuckers), there it is. I want a partner who can outfuck me (btw, thanks auto-correct for trying to switch “outfuck” to “outback”). I want to end a sexual session not wanting to masturbate, not because I didn’t come (because I always come), but because I have been saturated by and soaked in sex and could not possibly want more.

Are you disappointed? Did you think I would say I wanted 20 guys to come (no, I’m not spelling it cum, I’m not 17) on my face? I think that makes for decent porn if someone remembers to make the guys take off their fucking white socks, but no, that’s not it. BDSM? Swinging? Nope. Not on the bucket list. Hold on, now I’m feeling insecure and worried that I’m coming (ahem) off as boring. Has the sex goddess illusion I have established for myself (humor me, bitches), vanished? No, I’m hot. Simple, but hot. That’s the rumor anyway.

I want to be sexually satiated. I want his fingers in all my holes. His cock, too. I want to have multiples. I want to squirt until I am dehydrated and he is suffering from water intoxication. I want to be soaking wet. I want him to bite my nipples until I’m satisfied, until I tell him I’m ready for something else. I want him to dip his fingers inside me until he has those ‘I’ve been in the bath too long’ wrinkled fingers. I want to sit on his face until he can barely breathe, his tongue settled and at home in my pussy and ass and I want him to be fearless while he’s there (dig in, big guy). I want him to delay his pleasure to give me mine, repeatedly. I want him to fucking eat me until I beg him to fuck me. And after he fucks me, I want to sit on his face again because he asked, because he wants more.

I do not want him to stop until I tell him I am full. I want to be full of sex. Full of fingers, full of tongue, full of cock. I want to lay back and feel that one more orgasm would just be selfish: “Why, no thank you, kind sir, I could not possibly come again, that would be unladylike and simply avaricious of me to have another orgasm.”

3 Comments

  1. john

    April 17, 2013 at 11:53 am

    Whats on mine a blow job and to be pegged by one or two woman at the same time

  2. Pingback: Guest Blog Post | mylenesmusings

  3. Pingback: Bloggers Assemble!: Your Celebrity Sex Fantasy - Ken & Ariel - Ken & Ariel

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