By Any Other Name

So I happen to overhear a conversation between two female coworkers this morning, and one of them starts talking matter-of-factly about her boyfriend’s “dink.”


Honey, I wanted to say, you do your man no favors by calling it a “dink.”

Newborn baby has a dink. Possibly some midgets. But not any male over the age of 16. That’s about as sexy as some chick getting me all hot n’ bothered, then asking if she can hold my “pee pee.” Just like that ::finger snapping sound::, the tower collapses and the game’s over. Thank you, and good night.

For the record, I use “cock.” Not “dick” or “wang” or “Love Missile F-11.” Okay, maybe there’s the odd occasion where I’ll use “Little Jimmy O’Sullivan,” but that’s typically relegated to St. Patty’s Day. Or, y’know, when I’m on “bizness” or working the top sportsbook action in Vegas.

Similarly, I like it when a woman refers to her holiest of holies as her “pussy.” And I’m man enough to admit that “cooter” is pretty hot too. Yeah, that’s right. I said “cooter.” Represent!

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