Catch of the Day

Cindy was single and bored. Her cousin Christine said her boyfriend knew this guy at work who seemed pretty cool. Christine believed single people were cursed with misfortune, kind of like those starving kids in Africa, so she kept nagging Cindy until Cindy finally relented and agreed to meet this dude for coffee at a random Starbucks.

To her surprise, the guy wasn’t half bad. Kinda quiet but decent looking, and if you saw him from a distance (like 500 yards) you might guess he looks like Ethan Hawke. They talked, drank their lattes, ogled the latest Starbucks leg warmers on sale, etc.

“So we should do something fun,” he said as they made their goodbyes. “Do you like shows? Broadway shows, plays?” Cindy enthusiastically agreed. The thought crossed her mind that he might be gay, but she quickly dismissed it as she observed him checking out the barista’s ass earlier. She gave him her number and left.

A few days later he called for a Friday night date, with the offer of a show and a late dinner. She agreed. Just before he got off the phone, he asked her to wear black.
“Why, is it your favorite color or something?” She asked warily. He laughed. “Yeah, something like that. I bet you look good in black.”

Cindy agreed that black was a most flattering way to camouflage the flabby bits, and if he’s into Goth, no biggie. After all, she had a Nine-Inch Nails CD. He told her to meet him at 6PM outside the theatre.

Cindy got dolled up in her dark duds and met him, as promised, at 6PM in front of the marquee. “Ready?” he asked, and led her inside.

A large older woman waddled up to them. “Oh good, Ryan, you’re here.” Cindy noticed that the woman was wearing black, too. “I’m going to handle the front,” she was saying, “And why don’t you two handle the left and right entrances? Here.” She handed Ryan a large stack of programs. “Give half to her and please be in your places in 15 minutes.” She waddled off.

Cindy was dumbfounded. “What are we doing?” Ryan gave her a big smile. “This is the best way to see a show–and it’s for free!” He handed her a stack of programs and hurried off to his station.

As poor Cindy handed out programs to theater goers, she fantasized pulling out Christine’s molars with vice grips and to hang this cheap motherfucker by his $3 boxers from the stage lights during intermission.

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