Ariel’s Rants

  • I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller, I Wish I Was A Baller…

    This post is an ode to my friend Jen. Because Jen is a baller. She has more game than Xbox, gets more ass, as Ken...

  • Txt Msge BrkUp

    Despite my rant about boyz n phonez, I actually enjoy texting. It’s quick and easy to send, you can reply at your leisure, and I...

  • My Biggest Competition

    In those literary classics such as “Men are from Uranus, Women are from Tampax” and “He’s Just Not into You cuz You Ugly”, the central...

  • Are Women in Porn (Gasp)…Perfectly Normal?

    I was with a boyfriend at Ralphs or Albertsons getting our usual dinner fare (Cap’n Crunch and chocolate milk) when suddenly he gasped and grabbed...

  • Sex With The Ex? Not In This Lifetime

    One would think, when my nether regions begin to resemble the Dust Bowl (of the Dirty 30’s, no less!), that I would simply drunk dial...

  • Sex at the End of the World

    I’m disappointed by the sex on “The Walking Dead.” First of all, the couples depicted are totally lacking in chemistry. Seriously, there’s more sexual attraction...

  • “Hey, Want To Check Out My Roommate’s Porn Collection?”

    This phrase has actually been uttered to me on more than one occasion, by different men. Is this a thing? Am I the only one?!?...

  • Dating Outside Your Comfort Zone

    For me, dating outside my comfort zone generally means someone who has showered in the last 48 hours, who owns more than one dress shirt...

  • Will Date For…Coffee

    Good mornin’, y’all. Feeling a little groggy from last night? Well, check it: my Starbucks barista is totally hot. He’s from Brazil or Argentina or...

  • 50 Shades of One Hot Mess

    All the single ladies: getting ready for the big party is a colossal waste of time. Especially if you think you’re going to get laid....