Ariel’s Rants

  • Sex Trek III: The Search for SpOOOOOOOOOOOOck

    “Did you come?” That’s never a good question, is it. He’s asking, bless his heart, because he is caring and generous and wants to make...

  • Lost in Translation

    I’m an average American white girl, vanilla-flavored with a fairly-mutt ethnic background. Thank God I live in LA, with its diverse population and numerous opportunities...

  • Stage Fright

    I was at the local watering hole making up for a shitty week in style–two pitchers of your finest draft, to be exact. Knowing I...

  • One-Night Stan Redux

    So I ran into this guy over the weekend – as you may recall, I had made the fatal error of spending the night and...

  • Three’s Company

    I was having a conversation with Smudgebox yesterday about our threesome bucket lists- we don’t want frat boys who want to DP (look it up, I...

  • When The Best Friend is a Girl

    I’m a pretty reasonable person. Work 9-5, pay my taxes, stop at red lights…but I can also be a psychotic bitch, especially when another woman...

  • For the Love of God, Do Not Fall for the 23 Year-Old Bartender

    It’s 6PM – you go and meet your friends for happy hour because you’re broke, hungry and in need of sickly-sweet $5 well drinks and...

  • What to Expect When You’re Trying Not To Be Expecting

    When I don’t have an “official” boyfriend, I don’t go on the Pill. I don’t really need to regulate my cycle, I don’t feel like...

  • The Bodyguard

    This being LA, the land of looney-tunes, I tend to meet, greet and possibly fellate people whose professions are not of the usual doctor, lawyer,...

  • Beauty May Be In The Eye of The Beholder…

    …but the beholden better do some tap-dancin’. Here we have two fine male specimens. One is Ryan Gosling, for whom the mere name makes women...