My Dumb Life

  • Because Every Woman Loves a Guy With a Marketing Degree and a Tiny Pecker

    During my junior year of college, I had an internship at a Boston-based publishing company. Not the most exciting of gigs, but one of the...

  • Lost in Translation

    I’m an average American white girl, vanilla-flavored with a fairly-mutt ethnic background. Thank God I live in LA, with its diverse population and numerous opportunities...

  • Stage Fright

    I was at the local watering hole making up for a shitty week in style–two pitchers of your finest draft, to be exact. Knowing I...

  • Sexual Harassment in the Workplace: Wrong, But Nonetheless Encouraged

    Last week, as part of our company’s new “let’s cut down on the blowjob jokes when clients are in the building” campaign, management — of...

  • Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

    I officially dedicate my Saturday to the girl who spent the better part of this afternoon tying down a mattress to the hood of her...

  • Apparently, I Give Off a Vibe

    The company I work for encourages volunteerism among its staff. A noble thing, to be sure, and being a noble gent of sorts, I anted...

  • The Tell-Tale Desk Stain

    About eight years ago, neglecting the golden rule that you just don’t swim pantsless in the company pool, I got in bad with a girl...

  • Silly Ariel, Raves are for Kids

    There are times when I’m really feeling my age. When I buy a six-pack of Four Loco and the cashier doesn’t even ask for my...

  • It Came From the Other Side of the Mattress

    When I was in college, everyone knew Judy. Sweet, cute as button, unassuming, and roughly about 250 pounds. Also: she got more ass than a...

  • The Bodyguard

    This being LA, the land of looney-tunes, I tend to meet, greet and possibly fellate people whose professions are not of the usual doctor, lawyer,...