You’re Doing It Wrong
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My Boyfriend, the Killer
It’s nice to see that as picky as woman can be these days, there are still some old-fashioned gals who appreciated the fact that a...
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Death By Handjob
Ladies and gentlemen, the handjob is back. At least in my twisted universe. See, for years, I shunned the handjob, thinking, “Hey, I can do...
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Sexy Valentine Action: How to Eat Ice Cream Off a Woman’s Ass!
Okay, listen. I like ice cream. I like ass. So really, it was only a matter of time until I concocted some Costanza-esque way to...
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What’s the Story, Morning Glory?
When I was a kid, my family lived for a couple years on a street named Wood Pecker Lane. And, yes, “wood” and “pecker” were...
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Christmas Music, as Composed by My Ex-Girlfriends
“Merry Christmas, Asshole.” “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like I’d Rather Date Your Brother.” “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Then Fuck Off and...
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Ladies, There’s Just No Excuse for Sleeping With a Guy With Fake Balls on His Truck
There are a lot of questions that haunt my sleep. Things like, “What if my crazy ex-girlfriend ever gets out of prison?” and “Do you...
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My Nerdiness: Officially an Issue
So a buddy sends me a link to the latest video from fetish porn queen Tara Tainton, entitled “Why, You Have a Deadly Case of...
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Trying to Get Laid on Thanksgiving: A Heartwarming Holiday Tale
Look, all this bullshit about the pilgrims coming here to escape religious persecution and rapid Wal-Mart expansion is pure BS. They came here for the...
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Women Know That When It’s Over, It’s Over
Look, I don’t envy women. Guys are fucking idiots and congress wants to get all up in your business and you can’t walk past my...
