So by now you’ve probably read, or perhaps your grandmother sent you the link, from the NY Times’ incredibly ground-breaking, revelatory piece that women in college hook up. Far be it from me to analyze and dissect this; many better writers and more popular sites already have. But suffice it to say, it did give me the uneasy twinge of Slasher Flick 101: horny sluts get punished with obligatory blow jobs OR WORSE, virgins somehow get out alive.
Hey New York Times, I mean mom and dad: you just don’t understand. Hookup culture for horny young men and women is nothing new, but the only suckitude of doing it nowadays is that it can be recorded, tracked, and live forever in the annals of the internet. What was once a hazy, distant memory of sucking face with a turtle at some “dress as your favorite morning cartoon character” theme party in a freshman dorm now enjoys a popular month-long revival on several Facebook accounts. And for women, unfortunately, society still is mired in slut-shaming and victim-blaming (see Slasher Flick 101, above); therefore this sort of infamy does not do us any favors for, say, applying to work with small, impressionable minds (such as banking.)
As many other bloggers have pointed out about this article, no men were interviewed and there was no discussion of same-sex relationships. Hetero men were reduced to slobbering neander-dudes who just wanted to stick it in somewhere, by any means necessary, without having to call or text the next day. I mean, come the fuck on. THIS is the shit that needs to be retired. Look, there are plenty of men who want relationships. There are plenty of women who don’t want relationships. Does age and experience have something to do with it? Sometimes. But not always. Here’s a news-flash: it’s not all or nothing – one night stands times infinity, or married by graduation. There’s the in-between. Yes, I’m talking about the gray area. Like, for example, the same-sex experimentation. The 3-month, 6-month or 1 year relationship. Or fuck buddies. Or playing the field. Or being taken out to dinner. Or hanging out. Or being monogamous and moving in together. Or not. That is the whole bloody point: college, for men and women, should be a time of trying all the different colors, textures and flavors at the Home Town Buffet.
The other big “reveal” of the article was that women in college were too busy to have relationships. Gee, do you think men could be in the same boat? The way the older generation (yes, I’m talking to you, baby boomers) drove this economy into the toilet the past ten years, can you blame them? But, I will say this: if you’re so fucking driven to make partner at the law firm you’re currently interning at by the time you are 22, mazel tov, and in my opinion, your loss. Because after suburbia and your Pinterest account have lost its whimsical charms, you’ll be lying in your 1000-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and wondering about Franco, that guy you met in Critical Theory class, and his offer of playing house with that gorgeous girl Alexandra–what was her last name? no matter–in his cabin for the summer.