Hey folks, I’d like to introduce you to Tripp. He’s a dating coach who knows a hell of a lot more about having HEALTHY sex, dating and relationship experiences than we ever will. And he’s pretty damn cute, to boot. Check out his site here, and read his tale of woe and lessons learned along the way.
Love is a tricky thing. At times it’s the most euphoric feeling you’ve ever
experienced. And then sometimes it completely fucks with you. I’ve been in love a
few times and here’s a quick story (with tips) about the one that didn’t work out.
Have Similar Interests
We had none. I thought maybe we could fight through this, knowing that we did
have fun spending time together. That wasn’t enough. It took me a few months, after
we broke up, to realize that we never had a thing in common. That’s a huge reason
why it didn’t last. She liked rap music and I liked classic rock. She liked to lie around
in bed and I liked to stay active. She had no sense of humor and I was the funniest
guy she’s met. My point is, whether or not the sex is great, eventually you two will
get bored with each other if you don’t have any common ground. When you’re
looking for love, don’t pay too much attention to the cliché “opposites attract”,
because that’s not true in most cases.
Long Distance is a Bad Idea
For about half of the relationship my ex and I were long distance. I was on the west
coast and she was in the Midwest. We met in college but I went west to pursue
dreams I had long before we met. This resulted in a long and exhausting break up.
She was two years younger than me and still attending college. We had no plans
to ever be in the same place. Instead, we just held on as long as we could because
we were lonely. Bad idea. My advice is to NEVER go long distance unless there is a
secure plan on being together again one day. Sometimes a couple will go through
with it and just “make it work”. I have never seen one relationship “make it work”
unless there were future plans to be together. Either make a plan or break up.
Don’t Say, “I love you”, Drunk
Yes, I said it drunk and boy, did I regret this. Once you say it, you can’t go back. My
emotions got the best of me and alcohol tends to make you do things you don’t want
to do. The next day I hit myself in the head because I knew that it was way too soon
to say it. Yes, she said it back, but the problem was I knew I didn’t truly love her.
From that point on I convinced myself I did, but after we broke up I knew it wasn’t
real. If you want to say, “I love you”, make sure it’s sober and over some romantic
evening. Drunk and in a bar, won’t make you feel too good the next day.
Constant Fighting is a Bad Sign
From day one we fought. The make up sex is probably what kept us both around
longer, but the fights became more consistent as the relationship continued. She
was very sensitive about every decision I made. Sure, I’m not the innocent one
and I did have my faults, but the point is that consistent fighting in the beginning
of a relationship is a bad sign. The honeymoon period should have overshadowed
that, but instead we just bickered. Bickering is for old people not a 2-month-old
relationship. After a full year of fighting we finally broke it off. It was hell for both
of us. As you enter relationships, take note on how much you two argue. If it’s
every day, then I strongly consider you re-evaluate your situation.
Luckily, I can say that now I have fallen in love with a new girl that I’ve been dating
for 1.5 years. We have similar interests, we live together, we said, “I love you” sober
and we fight on rare occasions. Of course, no relationship will ever be perfect, but it
doesn’t hurt to pay attention to the red flags.