Honesty Still the Best Policy. Except, Perhaps, When Accused of Grabbing Someone’s Ass

Folks, I spend a lot of time sizing up the female derriere in its various forms. So much, in fact, that most of my female coworkers have taken to letting me walk ahead of them before venturing down the hall, lest they endure the uncomfortable sense of my gaze burning a hole in the back of their pants, Superman-style.

I do, however, live by the golden “look but don’t touch” rule. Unless, of course, I have successfully demonstrated to the object of my gluteal desire, through an extensive Powerpoint or other means, that letting me touch her ass is in everyone’s best interest. Once I get that “yes,” it’s go time.

That’s something that was apparently lost on this dude, who was accused of grabbing a woman’s butt cheek outside a dressing room at WalMart, long regarded a Mecca for lovers of quality ass.

The best part, however, was the guy’s explanation for his actions: “Her booty looked so good, I just couldn’t resist touching it.”

Ladies, I hope stories like this remind you of the awesome powers you’ve got tucked inside your mini-skirts and Dockers Ladies Khakis. Go easy on us.

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