“How to Improve the Olympics” or “Ass: The Universal Language”

After a couple days watching the Olympics, I have some keen and timely observations that I believe could help the committee behind the games make even more money.

First, I’d get rid of the running. And the gymnastics. And that thing where the people jump on trampolines? Shit, I can see that in my neighbor’s yard.

You could also lose the shot-putting (come on, now), the swimming, the cycling, the rugby, the triathlon, the shooting, the table tennis, the boxing, the judo, the golfing and the wrestling.

But the women’s volleyball? Keep that. And add several rounds to it. So that the entire Olympics is basically women’s volleyball. To the point that I literally throw my hands up and say, “Please, God, not another day of non-stop coverage of women in skimpy bathing suits flexing their immaculate derrieres on my television.”

Which I will never, ever say.

Oh, and that thing the players do when they put a couple of fingers above their rear ends? I don’t know whether it’s code for their teammates or a reminder of where I need to keep my focus. But I love it. And if women worldwide want to adopt this as some sort of code–whether they’re on the beach, in the supermarket, or running away from me at the local pub–I am all for it.

Game on.

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