How to Make Going to the Dentist Even Sexier

dentist yes

Going to the dentist is a pretty miserable experience. But there’s one thing that always keeps me following through on appointments despite the metal picks wedged between my teeth and the suction device tearing up my tongue and the gallons of blood I’ll swallow. And that’s hot dental assistants.

If you’ve ever strained your neck trying to arch your head far enough to cop a feel off a pert dental assistant’s derriere while she shuffles around you prepping the dentist’s tools, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re also a grade A perv. Nice to meet you.

Anyway, it seems there are those who would see even this small bit of distraction squelched. In the latest issue of Dentistry IQ — a staple of any coffee table magazine collection — the call is put out to stop dental assistants from sporting thongs that are visible under their scrubs.

To this, I am forced to day, what the fuck, dentists!!!??? Isn’t is torture enough that an hour in your chair will reduce me to a diet of liquids for the balance of the day? At least give the common man a little something-something to take away the pain. Like your twenty-something (female) assistant’s red thong.

In fact, you should be considering a way to work this to your advantage. Think of the money you’d save on novocaine by giving your male patients the choice between conventional anaesthetic or watching your assistants bending over.

I know what I’m choosing.

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