Man with 132 Pound Nutsack Gets a TV Show, Prompts Me to Sell My TV

man-with-the-132-lb-scrotum

Never mind that bullshit fantasy that AC/DC has been selling us for years; there’s nothing awesome about having big balls. Especially when they’re so big, your sack weighs roughly about as much as a college girl. At least I’m guessing that’s the message behind TLC’s upcoming special, The Man With the 132 Pound Scrotum. Which is about a guy with a 132 pound scrotum. So you know.

Look, I feel for anyone suffering a rare medical condition, especially a guy with a sack so big he has to wrap it in a hoodie like a goddam Mini-Me. The fact that having his balls in a woman’s mouth is damn near a mathematical impossibility earns him my sympathy, too.

That said, if my odds of landing on a show about a guy with oversized balls while channel surfing just increased by even one percent, it’s time to throw away my TV. Not because it reminds me how small and inadequate my own balls are — barely enough to fill a small mitten let alone a hooded sweatshirt if you must know. But because it violates my long-standing rule of never, ever, ever thinking about another man’s balls.

Leave a Reply