Mankind Finally Perfects See-Through Yoga Pants. Then Goes and Ruins It.

They tell me there’s a car in this photo but I still don’t see it.

Look, I know this world has got some big problems. The Middle East is always on the verge of meltdown, the economy is swirling down the shitter and North Korea is threatening to lob nukes our way at a moment’s notice.

But what’s really shaking my faith in this world is that mankind has finally perfected transparent yoga pants… and our first instinct is to take them off the market.

This was the word from Lululemon, a company that’s done more for men’s eyes than Bausch & Lomb and Lasik combined by stoking and feeding the yoga pants frenzy. Apparently recent shipments of the company’s top-selling black yoga pants were a little too sheer, resulting in yoga pants that were “unacceptably see-through.” So now the race is on to get these flimsy pants off the market.

This, I say, is wrong. First of all, one person’s “unacceptably see-through” is another person’s “Holy fucking God and praise Jesus!”

Second, isn’t this evolution? Yoga pants–which seem to have supplanted jeans as the most alluring accoutrement for the female derriere–were inevitably headed for this, so who are we to stand in the way of progress?

At the very least, I say keep these suckers on the market for those women who haven’t set foot in a gym or yoga studio in their lives yet enjoy tormenting the menfolk with their backsides. Don’t we owe it to these women and, more importantly, to America?

We could all be friend to a nuclear crisp any day now, people. Don’t we at least deserve to go out in a blaze of see-through yoga pants?

I say yes. Who’s with me?


  1. Marsha Cornelius

    March 21, 2013 at 7:20 am

    As soon as I heard this on the news, I thought of you, Ken. ‘Unacceptably see-through” my ass. Oops!

    • Ken

      March 21, 2013 at 8:15 am

      On the surface, an unintentional error. But underneath (pardon the pun), tons of free PR and a thumbs-up from ass enthusiasts worldwide.

  2. jkray

    March 21, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Sorry but I heard nothing after that photo.

  3. Ms. Gloria Marie

    March 25, 2013 at 6:40 am

    You made me laugh my ass off! ahaha ♥

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