Me So Horny

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So, like most women I’m down for whateva, wheneva. Howeva: there’s a certain time of the month where my sex drive goes into overdrive; I wanna fuck. right. now. The dive bar suddenly morphs into a veritable penis supermarket, and almost every guy on the street looks good enough to eat (yes, I said almost every guy because I live in LA, not Bridgewater, MA.) When I have the mindset of a 14 year old boy, I realize I must be ovulating.

Ovulation – it’s not just for chicks trying to get knocked up, yo. If you look up ovulation on the interwebz you’ll get the insane fertility machine which makes it sound like it’s like trying to find the holy grail. “Look for raised body temperature, increase in vaginal fluids, cramping.” Um, hello, look for a ripped-up UPS uniform, constant masturbating to Supernatural, and the sudden desire to dress like a stripper.
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Science backs this up – women who take off their clothes for a living tend to make more $$$ during ovulation. And non-stripping women also tend to wear less clothing, or clothing that leaves very little to the imagination when ovulating. And here’s the kicker: women not only lust after or go after more masculine-looking men during ovulation, they are less likely to seek out sex for intimacy. That’s right, we just want to be big old sluts. We’re not looking for a suitable lifetime partner to raise our offspring, we’re just looking for a suitable, right good fucking.

Now, now, don’t fret, love, it doesn’t mean your girlfriend cheats once a month, but she’ll certainly be eye-fucking the shit out of Joe in Accounting. But what’s interesting is that men unconsciously pick up on it too; without really knowing why, men will become more protective, aggressive or jealous when his mate is ovulating (probably because she’s wearing a push-up bra and humping the plumber, but that’s just a thought.) They see other men as a threat to their dominance. In other words, expect more random street fights and drunken confrontations. Wooo! What an exciting time to be alive.

BTW, the pill tends to suppress ovulation (duh), which is why some women complain of lower libidos and miss out on this once-a-month lust-fest. So that is why I’m off the pill. And having a hard time keeping my clothes on.

Source: LiveScience.com

1 Comment

  1. Ms. Gloria Marie

    March 26, 2013 at 10:45 am

    Same here. My boyfriend is having a very good time this week, just saying 😀

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