Men Think About Sex a Lot, According to New Survey and Everyone Who Ever Lived, Ever

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In news that really shouldn’t surprise anyone, a new survey has discovered that men think about sex a lot.

Like, way more than women do.

And when we’re not thinking about sex, we’re thinking about food. Which may or not be code for cunnilingus. But I hope it is.

According to the survey, which asked asked students aged 18-25 to record every time they thought about sex, food and sleep each day for a week, men daydream about sex about 34.2 times a day, which works out as every 28 minutes. This is almost twice as often as women, who think about it every 51 minutes. When not thinking about getting laid, men thought about food (every 38 minutes).

I have to say, I can’t argue with these numbers. In the 58 minutes I’ve been sitting in this coffee shop, shamelessly leeching wifi, I’ve thought about getting a handjob at least twice. Meanwhile, the woman sitting a couple tables over, who has been largely ignoring me — except to roll her eyes every time I cough or shuffle my papers or ask the barrister to once again point out everything on the menu that’s safe for someone allergic to boysenberries — has probably not thought about sex one single time during that same stretch. Especially not sex with me.

That said, I applaud the psychologists from Ohio State University who conducted this research and hope they can eventually tackle the real head-scratchers, like whether or not guys really dig blow jobs.

Meanwhile, if you’d be kind enough to furnish the list of names and contact info of the female students who participated in your survey, it would help fuel a “research project” of my own.

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