My Boyfriend, the Killer


It’s nice to see that as picky as woman can be these days, there are still some old-fashioned gals who appreciated the fact that a murder conviction isn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker.

Case in point: Joran van der Sloot, convicted murderer and Suspect Number One in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, is engaged to be married.

Not to his cellmate, mind you. To a woman.

I know there will always be those crackpot types who reach out to prison lifers and death-row inmates, but I will never understand it. I have a hard enough time trying to dance around the fact that I work “sporadically” and get paid “minimally” and have an Irish-cursed pecker, while guys like van der Sloot are just sittin’ around in their cells, sifting through romantic offers and marriage proposals.

And what does that say for this woman’s ex? I mean, does she just tell him, “I appreciate our time together, but I truly believe this convicted killer brings a little bit more to the table than you do.”

Simply put, it doesn’t bode well for guys like me when the already competitive pool of guys looking to get laid is expanded to include prison inmates.

Look, ladies, I may not have a lot to offer. But I’ll put all my cards on the table right now. I’ve never murdered anyone, and I eat pussy like a champ. Hit me up if you’re down.

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