My Tits


Our site tends to get a bit ass-centric (this week being no exception) so I thought I’d give a shout-out to the two honeydew melons I got going on between my left and right armpits. I like my tits, I guess. Pain in the ass to run in, literally – have to double up on the sports bras, and if it’s over 3 miles I gotta slather on the Astroglide. I used to hate the attention they garnered from horny dudes and dirty old men, until I moved to LA and realized I was walking around with about a $5-$10k investment without having to spend a dime. Kinda like when you discover your Aunt Bernice’s stupid old stamp collection would now actually make quite a few bucks on Antique Roadshow.

Despite looking pregnant in anything from Banana Republic and getting in the way when I’m trying to tie my shoes, I still figured the boobs had to be good for something besides the whole baby-feeding thing. Or the always-convenient crumbs-popcorn-chips-bbq-chicken catcher. And by God, they are. They are double the pleasure, double the fun of a fuck-tastic erogenous zone. Thank you, Jesus!

Now, before you go all motorboating or Newton’s cradle or whack-a-mole or whatever you ding-dongs come up with, let me tell ya: that’s for YOUR benefit, not mine. If you need further convincing I’ll do that to your balls and you can let me know how that feels. No wait, I take that back. I forgot who our audience was. And also, you’d probably really enjoy the motorboating one (OK, I guess the tits version isn’t that terrible.) Any-hoo, my lovely sweater kittens liked to be caressed, nuzzled (gently!), stroked, licked, touched ever-so-lightly, nipped, rubbed, and generally treated like royalty. They love oils, lotions, and various perishable food items (like honey, chocolate syrup and whipped cream, not two slices of white bread, lettuce and tomato.) My nipples? Same thing – throw in some sucking, maybe a pinch or two, a nibble or three, and you got yourself an Ariel in heat. Pretty neat, huh?

So I’ll enjoy them while they last, meaning while they’re still above sea(t) level. After that they’re getting stapled to my earlobes.

2 Comments

  1. DR Perrrro

    July 27, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Very good information about the care & nurturing of your very lovely sweater kittens ~ thanks for sharing! One question; does your appreciation of “that scruffy stuff” (Tits and Ask, July 13) extend to your bosom? Was curious about that…

    And just so you know, they are spectacular!

  2. Pingback: My Ass. | Ken & Ariel

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