NY Times Proclaims “The End of Dating”; I Proclaim “Bullshit”

Another text about hanging out?!? Guess it's just gonna be me and the cats tonight...

Another text about hanging out?!? Guess it’s just gonna be me and the cats tonight…

The New York Times, that veritable bastion of award-winning journalistic excellence, doesn’t know jack shit about dating. A recent article, nestled between epistles about gun control debates, the fiscal crisis debate and Malia pissing off the French for being rebellious (oh–wait– Mali. My bad), titled “The End of Courtship?” laments the poor, i-iz-sad 20-something woman because men only wanna hang out or hook up instead of date. And it’s that damn texting that’s ruining any possibility of a relationship today! Now get off my lawn!

This lament of the end of traditional interaction between the sexes (or the same sex, for that matter) is nothing new. Take the 1960’s – coming out of the Cold War paranoia, we must look/act/be perfect American husbands-wives-families, etc (i.e., any episode of “Mad Men”), the 60’s was an orgasmic, long-repressed explosion of free love and commitment-free…you guessed it, “hanging out.” Women were reading “Sex and The Single Girl” by Helen Gurley Brown, who espoused embracing your single-dom instead of getting your Mrs. degree, and have lots of sex with lots of men. Married ones too. She’s also the founder of Cosmo, the “How to trap a man” magazine-bible, but I’ll let that slide for now.

What pisses me off about this article is that it merely perpetuates the outdated stereotypes of women whose only goal in life is getting a boyfriend/husband, and men who are Peter Pans who never wanna grow up and will just be trapped/miserable in relationships (paging Al Bundy…).

I know, as I’m sure we all do, people that are in, *gasp,* relationships. I know plenty of men who WANT to be in a relationship. I know plenty of women who DON’T want to be in a relationship. See how this works?

Here’s an example they give of a “commitment-phobic man”:
“After an evening when she exchanged flirtatious glances with a bouncer at a Williamsburg nightclub, the bouncer invited her and her friends back to his apartment for whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese. When she agreed, he gamely hoisted her over his shoulders, and, she recalled, ‘carried me home, my girlfriends and his bros in tow, where we danced around a tiny apartment to some MGMT and Ratatat remixes.'”

I dunno, sounds like a really fun time to me.

“She spent the night at the apartment, which kicked off a cycle of weekly hookups, invariably preceded by a Thursday night text message from him saying, ‘hey babe, what are you up to this weekend?” (It petered out after four months.)”

And what’s wrong with that? So it was a casual hookup. Could it have turned into a relationship? Sure, why not? Plenty of one-night stands have. But it didn’t. No harm, no foul. Also, was SHE texting him, saying “I really want to be in a relationship with you. I really want to go out on dates with you.”? It doesn’t say…I would assume no.

If you’re constantly doing hookup after hookup, complaining incessantly that no one wants to take you out on a date and you’ll never be in a relationship, well, maybe you’re the one that’s commitment-phobic. Yeah, I said it. Because regardless of whether you are in your 20’s NOW or you were in your 20’s in the 1960’s or whatever, you have to figure out what you WANT. You don’t wanna “hang out”? You don’t wanna have a relationship solely by text? You don’t wanna just hook up? DON’T GO AND HANG OUT AND DON’T REPLY TO THE GODDAMN STUPID TEXT. AND DON’T TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERPANTS. Figure out exactly what you want, let the people know (you could take out an ad…or maybe just start with an OKCupid profile) and don’t settle for anything less.

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