Screw Helping Orphans; Miss USA Can Tie a Cherry Stem With Her Tongue

I found it funny when, during this week’s Miss USA pageant, it was noted that Olivia Culpo, Miss Rhode Island, can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue. Is it any surprise that shortly thereafter Culpo was crowned Miss USA? Not if there was at least one guy on the judging panel. Hell, I’m already starting her write-in campaign for President.

My question is how does something like that even make it on air? Do the producers assume it to be some silly parlor trick and not shorthand for a woman’s oral skills? Either way, I applaud Culpo for making sure that bit of trivia got relayed to the free world. And for giving a video demonstration of said skills to the Boston Globe.

After viewing that, I want to know why this isn’t a part of the televised contest? Think of the ratings. And if we can’t find a way to work this into the half-time show at 2013 Superbowl XLVII then someone’s not trying hard enough.

See what you 2013 Miss USA hopefuls are gonna have to top? I’d suggest you start practicing deep-throating bananas or working up that 34-page dissertation on “why thongs are awesome” right now.

Leave a Reply