Sex at the End of the World

I’m disappointed by the sex on “The Walking Dead.” First of all, the couples depicted are totally lacking in chemistry. Seriously, there’s more sexual attraction between Principal Skinner and Abe Simpson than what these survivors get up to (not to mention it’s insanely heteronormative.) I mean, it’s the zombie apocalypse, for Chrissakes. “Not if you were the last man on Earth” suddenly takes on a whole new meaning. And yet, these guys fuck like it’s something to do to pass the time while you’re waiting for the pizza delivery guy.

I will say, however, that the sex between Shane and Lori was hot. Perhaps because it was so illicit, perhaps because you were rooting for Rick and you felt really guilty for liking it so…but you still did. They would sneak off and do it in the woods. In the daytime. When the others were trying to figure out if they’re gonna be attacked by roving herds of zombies while setting up camp. But Shane and Lori knew there was much more important bid-ness to attend to. (BTW, Shane was a fine-lookin man, which also probably helped his odds in the chemistry department. He could get it on with a houseplant and I’d get hot and bothered. RIP Shane.)

Granted, it’s dirty sex, isn’t it. As in, the last time I took a shower with soap was sometime last summer. Deodorant is on the endangered species list. Not to mention some lovely-smelling zombie guts on your clothes you can’t seem to wash out (or wash, period.) So yeah, some possible mitigating factors. And you have to be on your guard as you could be attacked at any time. Getting busted for bumping uglies in zombieland means having your brains eaten, not just public humiliation. But still! It’s the end of the world as you know it. Your number could be up at any time. Don’t you think you should be spending those last few precious moments screwing like rabid monkeys? I know I would!

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