Something Famous to Sit On

One night, back in the day, a former girlfriend of mine surprised me by dropping trou, turning around, and presenting her backside to me which just happened to be covered by a pair of boy shorts with a photo of my face splayed across ’em.

“Now I can sit on your face all day,” she exclaimed proudly. “Even when you’re not around.”

I just kinda nodded and smiled, and while it upset me to see a piece of cotton cutting in on my action, I appreciated the sentiment. In time, however, the sight of my own greasy mug prevented me from enjoying her ass to the fullest. So I asked her to kindly discard them. And she did. And our relationship prevailed for another, oh, seven months or so.

Now, some years later, I see they’ve got something called Face Chairs–uncomfortable-looking chairs with seats that feature celebrity mugs. So if you’ve ever dreamed of sitting on Brad Pitt or George Clooney or, alarmingly, Barack Obama’s face, you can.

Despite my well-documented enthusiasm for facesitting, I don’t think I’m quite the target market. While it’s nice to see Sofia Vergara and Angelina Jolie represented, I’d much prefer to be on the receiving end.

I mean, come on now:

By the way: Who is the target market for the Obama chair? Seriously?

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