Tits and Ask: The Trouble With Girls. Who Bite

fangs

Dear Ken and Ariel: As simply as I can put this, my girlfriend uses her teeth a little too much when she’s “down there.” She really seems into it, but any way I can tell her to lighten up a bit?

Ken Says: Dude, any hummer during which you’re fearing for the very existence of your johnson is no hummer at all. Kinda like how a 69 that could cost you an eye is no kind of fun.

Here’s one of the rare occasions when I’m all for honesty; just tell her, “Please, in the name of all that is holy, stop treating my junk like some goddam chew toy.” If that doesn’t work, you could move on to something a little less subtle. Like a blood-curdling scream whenever she blows you.

But heed this warning: He who critiques a woman’s blowjob technique risks total shut-off. So tread lightly, my friend. Tread lightly.

Ariel Says: “Less wood-chucking, more sucking.” Too blatant? How about, “You are so fucking amazing. My toes are cramped for weeks and I’ve experienced nirvana about 100 times since we met. However, I did notice some teeth marks on my Johnson the other morning and would like to protect him for further use–like when I pile-drive him into your sweet ass. So would you mind taking it a little easy?”

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