Tits and Ask: She’s Cheating… With Me.

Maybe it's her brother...?

DEAR KEN & ARIEL: I have been “fooling around” with a very good female friend of mine for about a year now. Thing is, she has a boyfriend. Although she says she’s completely happy in her relationship, she continues to mess around with me, all the while confiding things in me that she admits she’d never tell her boyfriend. Some of my friends think I should keep my distance from her; others say I should urge her to leave her boyfriend for me. Your opinion? 


KEN SAYS: Was it Confucious or Happy Days’ Donny Most who once posed the question, “Man, why can’t chicks be my marginally attached buddies and have sex with me?” Truly, the line between friendship and sex is a precarious tightrope. On one side, there’s fun but meaningless sensual pleasure. On the other side, there’s…


Hey, wait a minute. What am I talking about? No-strings sex is something some folks seek more vigilantly than a Honus Wagner baseball card or a five dollar prime rib, and you seem to have dropped right into a pit full of it. The question is, are you up to the challenge of investing more and more of your time and emotions into this girl, if the payoff seems all but nonexistent.

If you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t give a tinker’s cuss for the mushy-mush of love and relationships, then it seems you’re in a situation tailor-made for your hit-and-run lifestyle. 
But if you’re clinging to the hope that one day this girl will wake up, look into your eyes and declare, “My God, all along, it was you–the love of my life, right under my nose,” understand that you’ve got a better chance of waking up to find you’ve been reincarnated as Busy Phillips’ thong (a personal dream of mine, BTW).

When then it’s time to punch yourself in the berries, shake your head straight, and get on with your life. 
Class dismissed. 


ARIEL SAYS: It seems that you have been sucked into that black hole of friendship and sex. 
Some people claim that they can just be friends who happen to have sex and be perfectly fine with that arrangement. However, I think that the percentage of those scenarios in which things actually work out and both parties are truly honest about their feelings is about the same as the percentage of the population that claims to have been abducted by aliens.

To muddle your situation further, she has a boyfriend. Your life is starting to sound like a good script proposal for an HBO series. The fact that she has cheated on her boyfriend several times with you–her friend, someone the boyfriend would most likely trust her with–ain’t very cool. But you’re the one asking for advice, not her. You’re not cheating on anyone. So my big question to you is, what do you want out of this friendship?

Yeah, you can have sex without commitment, but in this messy situation there’s potential for further complications, like the boyfriend’s fist in your handsome face. Be honest with yourself: Do you want to be more than friends? Do you think she would leave her boyfriend for you? You know her much better than I do (hell, I’m just some hack writing a column) but it seems that she may be looking for some sort of attention or validation that her boyfriend or you can’t give her, and she will continue to look elsewhere.

In other words, even if she leaves her boyfriend for you, she may still be unable to remain monogamous. Your friends are trying to look out for you and don’t want to see you get hurt. But it only matters what you think. If you think you and her can have a purely platonic relationship, then by all means, have a blast.

But if sex is going to be the recurring topic, I would suggest you move on. You don’t have to “ditch” her, but just ease off on the quality time. There are many babes in waiting who don’t have boyfriends and might love to be more than just friends with you.

Got a question needing faux advice? Get it to us, baby.

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