Tits and Ask: Three Drunk Girls, One Sleeping Guy

This is pretty much the most exciting thing that happens to me when I pass out around women.

Dear Ken & Ariel: I live with my boyfriend, and last weekend, a couple of my girlfriends from back home came up to stay with us. We all went out drinking, got blitzed, then came back to our place. My boyfriend passed out on the couch, and to be funny, my girlfriends took pictures and video of themselves straddling him, shaking their asses in his face and pretending to blow him. Just some goofy “Girls Gone Wild” stuff, all in jest. Anyway, while it was funny at the time, some of the photos made their way to my girlfriends’ Facebook pages. Worse, my boyfriend seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time looking at them. It’s become a big joke between him and them, and I now regret ever letting it happen. Am I being jealous and overly sensitive here?

Ariel Says: I think you have a valid point; if you were to do your best Jenna Jameson impression with, say, his amateur hockey league buddies after the semi finals, I doubt he’d be anxious to see those special moments plastered all over Facebook. However, with your tacit permission, your man got to participate in one of the top three dude fantasies of all time—-your hottie friends all over his jock like a melting ice cream cone in summer. And, even better, he’s got actual evidence. So even though he may have been unconscious when it happened it real time, he still gets to re-live it.

Unfortunately, this’ll be the talk of the town for a while. What are your options? Well, you can try sabotage; tell him you’re pissed that your friends won’t stop talking about his pinky-sized package. Then tell your friends that you caught him jerking off to the pics and he confessed to a fantasy involving them, several dildos, and a Tijuana donkey show. Both parties may be so freaked out/grossed out that eye contact and social interaction will be kept to a minimum.

Or, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Schedule a repeat performance next time your friends visit but make damn sure that your ass is front and center in all the pictures.

Ken Says: First things first, why the hell don’t the women I date hang out with girls like your friends? A group of drunk chicks who think it’s a hoot to faux-blow a guy when he’s zonked out on Bud Light? Christ almighty, if I ever passed out in front of any of an ex-Kenette’s friends, their first impulse would be, “Great! He’s asleep! Let’s watch Veronica Mars.”

Regardless, I have to agree with Ariel’s positioning. Although another option would be working the jealousy angle by getting pictures of you sitting on the chest and/or face of some other passed-out dude.

And as I happen to spend most of my spare time passed out, I’d be happy to offer any assistance you might need.

Got a question? Need bad sex advice? Hit us up.

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