Tits and Ask: Is It a Relationship or Rebound?

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I’ve been dating a guy who I really like for about five months. From the beginning, he was very clear with me that he recently got out of a long term relationship and wasn’t ready for another one, but he was okay with seeing where things went, which was fine with me. We’ve both been dating other people as well, but, to be honest, I’ve been getting less interested in those other people, and have also started hearing my biological clock. I just don’t know where he stands; I don’t think people typically stay with their rebound relationship, and if he was going to want to be with me, he’d know. My friends say if I’m enjoying it and like him, why not wait it out until he gets over the rebound period. Cut and run or wait and see?

KEN SAYS: If you think the sound of your biological clock is loud, wait until you hear the clomp of this dude’s footsteps racing down the street once you mention your desire to settle down. Most guys don’t keep a full-body Flash costume in their closets just because it’s cool (although it is); fact is, they come in handy when we need to get out of Dodge but fast.

Actually, I only half joke. Have you ever thought of just coming out and asking him what he’s thinking? I’m a firm believer in the old adage, “it’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t.” Unless, of course, you’re talking about showing up at Sunday mass naked and with clown paint on your junk.

I suggest this because you want to make sure all this longing isn’t one-sided. From what you’ve described, you’re both seeing other people as well. You seem to have focused your sights on him, but is the feeling mutual? Is he torn between two or three women who aren’t you right now? Is one of them your mother? Hey, that’s how it usually works out on Lifetime.

All I know is that after being in a relationship, this guy may enjoy the all you can eat buffet he’s currently got going on. You can keep guessing, or you can know. The choice is yours.

ARIEL SAYS: In my humble opinion, rebound is a rapid succession of one-night stands, not a five-month-long courtship. Hell, you’re probably already watching “Law & Order: SVU” reruns together, aren’tcha. And there really isn’t any proof that the first relationship after a long-term relationship is doomed – see Exhibit A: Bradgelina.

So. You’re sick of reruns, rebounds, retreads, anything that starts with “re” and are ready to create an original masterpiece (possibly human.) Huzzah! Here’s the question: do you want to do it with this dude? Yeah, clock’s ticking and you’re tired of wham-bam and all that, but is he the one?

Separate that query from all the white noise and give it a think, instead of fixating on “if he was going to want to be with me, he’d know.” If your answer is “yes, yes, oh my God, yes! HE is the one I want to spend the rest of my life watching USA Network syndicated cop shows with,” then by all means, sit his butt down and have a chat. Just tell him where you’re at, be honest, be direct. Scary, I know. But it’s the only way you’ll get your answer right quick and can move along with your life.

But, here’s the thing: you may be surprised because your think may come up with, “you know, he’s fun and all, but if I have to deal with his open-mouth breathing during particularly suspenseful moments between Olivia and that hot dude from OZ, I’m gonna shove this kettle corn up his schnoz.” In that case, it’s easy; lace up those Skechers’ Shape-Ups and head for the door.

My long-winded point is, the choice is truly yours. No need to be a lady-in-waiting, no need to suddenly pull a disappearing act. Figure out what you want, state what you need, and live your life accordingly. Case Closed! (dun-DUN)

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