VD Files: Random Musings


Welcome to Valentines Day. A celebration of all things red, and of love. Or, as some of us call it, A Day of Infamy. Will you sit in traffic for hours, your white knuckles clutching the steering wheel as the jingle “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” kauses you to kasually konsider a kamikaze move into the center divider? Will you attempt to walk in those rarely-worn stilettos as your new Vickie’s Sickest-I mean, Secret’s new lingerie number cuts into your boobs and attempts to vigorously floss your anus? Will you enjoy your ridiculously-overpriced, overcooked meal presented by your ridiculously underpaid, overworked server? By God, you better. Because this is a CELEBRATION OF LOVE! *shakes fist*

So in honor of this very special holiday, I decided to just ask some people what they think of all this hoopla surrounding Valentine’s Day. And this is what I got.

My Mom:

“On Valentine’s Day, people should give away free stuff. Buck the trend: instead of chocolate diamonds or chocolate truffles, try giving some free things. Like a smile, a helping hand, a phone call, your attention, your empathy, your encouragement.”

Aww, mom, you’re so sweet. I love you.

p.s. You sound like a Communist

My Dad:

“Roses are red
Violets are blue
hope VD is healthy for you.”

Uh, Dad, have you been opening my mail from the free clinic again?

My Girlfriend:

“OMG Valentine’s Day totally fucking SUCKS. I just KNOW I’m going to be disappointed. Every year, it happens. I tell myself, don’t get insane expectations, just chill out, it’s just a stupid Hallmark-created holiday. But the hype just starts so soon and the next thing you know, I’m ready to murder my boyfriend because there’s carnations in the flower arrangement he gave me! Or, one year he gave me a turtleneck sweater. A turtleneck. Can you think of anything more un-romantic?”

My Guy Friend:

“You should help promote Steak and Blowjob Day. Which I think comes after Valentine’s Day.”

Guy I slept with a while ago:

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My Boss:

“Whatever, it’s a stupid holiday. Now why don’t you do some work instead of fiddling on that phone all day.”

The guy behind the counter at Jamba Juice:

“Wait, whuuut? Are you gonna order anything?”

My favorite food truck:

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1 Comment

  1. Chappy Peaches

    February 14, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    P.S. LOVE STINKS!!! But I still LOVE YOU!! xoxoxo

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