Why Can’t I Quit You, “Two Broke Girls”?


The other day I was mentioning to some coworkers how I can’t stop watching “Two Broke Girls,” even though I know that every time I watch it, precious chunks of my brain dissolve into powder and disappear.

One female coworker thought she had my inexplicable obsession figured out.

“It’s Kat Dennings’ boobs,” she said proudly, like she just nailed a fucking triple word score. “They’re the only reason most guys watch that show.”

But, “Aha!” I retorted. “I am not a boob guy in the least. So you’re wrong.” But that didn’t make me feel any better. Because it didn’t really explain why I watched that miserable show.

Then, while reviewing a DVRed episode that evening, it hit me. I watch the show solely for Beth Behrs’ ass.

Sad but true. Because in theory, that ass shouldn’t even exist. Behrs is tall and lanky and doesn’t exactly have the proportions that scream “nice round ass.” Yet there it is. In every episode, packed into the same tan pants she always seems to be wearing when she’s not wearing her waitress get-up. Taunting me. Making me suffer through the innuendo and lame jokes and bad accents–not to mention every painful appearance by Stiffler’s Mom as the “Polish woman from upstairs”–on the off chance that she’ll bend over or be put into some sort of compromising, ass-centric position. Which seems to happen more often than not.

It’s as if the producers of the show want to cover all the bases. Like they’ve got the boob guys, now they want the ass guys. Either way, brilliant move, producers.

I’ve seen pretty much every episode, probably twice. Yet I can’t speak intelligently as to what the show is actually about (other than that the girls, I assume, are broke). All I know is that Beth Behrs had captured my booty-loving soul. Please be gentle.