You Say He Just A Friend

No, I’m not talking about that friend. I’m talking about the “best” friend.

They say you can judge a person by his friends. Fine, that’s cool. Especially if your friends buy me Jamesons and tell me I’m pretty funny (I just hear “pretty”, anyway.) But what of the friends, particularly the best friend, who just seems…a bit…off?

Let me ‘splain. This is the dude who seems detached, ever-so-slightly critical, makes comments that are borderline offensive – “but that’s just his sense of humor! He’s just really sarcastic!” So you smile and nod or even try to lobby a few snarky one-liners in return, only to be met with the death stare:
But, again, it’s gaslighting time, because “it’s all in your head. He thinks you’re awesome!” Yeah, you think. Awesome if I just GTFO.

Or there’s the best friend who is charming as all hell, but has a slightly oily exterior, like you know every line he’s feeding you is seasoned with prime-A bullshit. This is the dude who’s taking your man out to bars and strip clubs and telling him–nay, demanding that he be his wing man, that he takes one for the team, because that’s what “best friends do.” He’s also the guy who thinks cheating is NBD, and that “bros before hos” actually refers to a sex act where they both are fucking girls doggy style whilst giving each other high-fives. He’s also the guy who gets your man so fucking shit-faced or drugged up when they go out that even if you do get him back at the end of the night, he’s completely useless – puking, crying, or, even better, accusing you of being unfaithful because “Josh seyydd that if youuu really loveee meeyyy youuu wouuld ggoo too myy daaaahhhts tourneeey!” Jesus Christ Almighty. I said I would go but you said I didn’t have to, I’d be bored! Oh, why am I even trying…

Here’s the thing – our friends generally reflect a part of ourselves; sometimes the good parts, and sometimes the worst parts. As much as we want to blame the friend, make him the scapegoat, if ONLY you got rid of Josh all would be well, we secretly know deep down that another Josh would appear – Josh 2.0:
So you might as well deal with the cards you’ve been dealt, and understand that the person you’re dating is (allegedly) a grown-up and is the one responsible for his decisions, and all the attendant drama, chaos and occasional public-disturbance arrest. NOT the best friend. He’s just part of the package deal.

To my knowledge, I’ve never had this type of best friend. Probably because…I’m the best friend.


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